Who am I? Self-reflection Tarot Spread

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, looking within, etc this season.

This morning I wanted to ask myself, Who am I? Seems like a simple question but of course, we aren’t simple beings. I am a lot of different persons and answering the question, Who am I? honestly depends on what person I am referring to. So I decided to do a tarot spread to dig into this question.

Who am I?

As an individual, just me – who I am in the most basic form, with no attachments to others impacting this person
As a spouse or partner – who I am in relation to a romantic partnership, a lifelong partner
As parent to my kids – who I am as I relate to my kids (and this may change as they grow into adulthood)
As a child of my parents – who I am as a child, even as an adult “child”
As a friend – who I am in relation to friends, whether close or casual
As a stranger – or who I am relative to the rest of the world

This was a deep dive and a great self-reflection exercise. I journaled through the results and thought hard on what I came up with. Some of the cards I took for confirmation, and others as a challenge to do better.

I won’t share the entire spread because these things are pretty personal, but one card, I got a hearty laugh when I pulled the card.

When I drew for the question – Who am I – as mother to my kids, I kid you not, I pulled The Devil. I laughed out loud and had they been home, I might have wondered for a fraction of a second if they had “planted” that card.

But in all seriousness, this was a card that made me do some serious reflection.

The Devil in Tarot is not an external force – it is a reflection on the ugly and unbalanced aspects of ourselves, things we might not want to acknowledge. For some it could be materialism, selfishness, unhealthy desires, things we pursue for self, no matter the cost. Other needs, that are not bad in themselves in moderation – like sex, food, alcohol, a need for attention – can be problematic if they become consuming and take control of our life.

After I did some reflection on what would be unbalanced in my life, that would be impacting my role as mother, it occurred to me that The Devil was pointing to my struggle with anxiety. While I have struggled with anxiety most of my life, I’ve spent the past year working hard on reclaiming my physical, mental, and emotional health.

Self-care, which for me looks a lot like earbuds in and tuning everything out at my worst moments, and a need for quiet and alone time at better moments, has been a huge part of me getting myself healthy. But I realize I have to balance my need for self-care and my children’s need for a fully present mom.

What does this look like practically? One example would be having a better system in place for bedtime routines, so that I am not getting overwhelmed and in need of personal quiet time right at the moment the kids want mom’s attention and bedtime read-alouds.

This is a great exercise – my list is just a suggestion – consider asking yourself who you are as a sibling, as a coworker or as a boss. We all wear different hats, and who we are while wearing one hat definitely can differ than who we are when we are wearing another hat.